The Talk

Once again The Talk has started. I always get my hopes up. "Maybe this time will be it!" I think. However, I always end up crashing down, wondering what went wrong. I tend to over-analyze, you know. Anyway, we'll see where The Talk goes this time, usually it is right down the toilet.

Suicide

What causes someone to commit or want to commit suicide. Obviously, it is a loss of hope. They believe that their life will never get any better so death is better than an ongoing life like they currently have. Hope would show the person that better times will come. As I blogged previously, Hope is not just trust in an afterlife, but a belief that you can be a part of God's greater plan. I don't believe that we are part of God's plan. I think God's plan for you is ever changing depending on the decisions you make, but I do think that if you trust in God, he'll give you the best life you are capable of leading from that moment on. If I believed that God had a plan, then I have to believe that those people committing suicide were part of that plan and therefore Hope wouldn't have mattered to them. But, I don't believe that. I believe that we can choose to be a part of God's plan or not and he will alter his plan whenever we decide to become part of it. Therefore, Hope, in essence is the realization that you are not taking part in God's plan currently and you can give your life to God and benefit from him.

This post has some practical value if you know someone whose root sin is greed. It might be worth talking to them about hope because I think they are the highest at-risk group for suicide.

The Apprentice

I've taken on an apprentice. I really don't know what to study with him. I've given him the required reading list and told him to spend 1/2 day every week just learning. It will pay off for the company in the long run. I know I will be going over his code with him and I'll also go over my code with him to look for things we like and don't like. I'd also like to find some good examples of source code on the net we could go through. I've heard that Scheme is a Software Masterpiece.

Are there other things I should be teaching him? How do I develop his sense of smell? How do I instill a sense of pride in his work? Skills such as test-driven development are much easier to teach than the intuitive skills required for great coding. It will be a challenge, but I'll report back on how it is going here!

Sirius

I have to take a brief moment to recommend Sirius Radio. With no other service can one listen to Papa Roach, Benny Goodman, and Kieth Urban all across the country. My favorite channels are Sirius Hits 1, The Pulse (90s music), Standard Time, Swing St, and New Country. I also love the NFL Channel. Sirius is amazing.

Software Development is People! PEOPLE!

If you've not seen the movie Soylent Green, you're missing out. Well, not really. Anyway, this blog is about software development. Intrinsically, software development is about invention. It is not an assembly line process. You don't just take component A and plug it into component B. You are creating art, or the lightbulb, or anything else that is about the inventor.

First, software development is about the person, not the process. Do you think Edison used the appropriate process to create the light bulb? Or Whitney had to use XP to create the cotton gin? No, they used what worked for them.

Second, great software development cannot be done with mediocre programmers. The lightbulb couldn't have been invented with 20 mediocre programmers. Instead, it required one creative genious. The same is true with gravity, relativity, etc... Often, a great invention is reached by two people at the same time, but rarely, if ever, does a group of average joe's create an invention worth mention.

Software development cannot be done with average associates, no matter what the process. That is just the nature of the problem of invention. It requires great minds to be done correctly.

Control and Closure

I have control issues. I can't say that I want to be in control, nor can I say that I don't. I can only say that I want the possibility of control. In other words I abhor closure. I don't want to be stuck. I want to know that I can pick up and do something else at any time. To be honest, this is very difficult to accomplish with a wife and family and I am much worse for the wear for trying.

My wife is in school. Obviously, we can't move across the country, she only has a year left. We have a mortgage on a house we're in the middle of fixing up, so it would be hard to sell it right now. My daughter has made friends and is about to start Kindergarten. All of these things conspire against my apparent desire for control. At the same time, I've given control over to God. How can I both want options and want God to choose? Many choices that were made in my life I made because that is where I thought God was leading me. In most of those circumstances, I had made my decision too quickly and backed out of it to take God's path. Now, I can't choose another path, even it if were God's. I'm stuck where I am for a few more years and that infuriates me. Why can't I let go? Why do I have to have other options and alternatives?

I feel, that by being in a state of change readiness, I can make it easy for God to push and pull me. Does God need the help? Could it actually hurt? I don't have any answers and mostly I don't even know the right questions. I just know that I want the possibility of change and I don't have it. I want control and I can't have it. Right now, others need the control and that is frustrating. Steve, on Blue's Clues, says that when you're frustrated, you should stop, breathe, and think. Well, I've been thinking for a few months now and I'm pretty sure I'm still breathing, but it is not working. Oh well, only a few more years to go before I have control of my life. But I don't want control of my life, I want God to control it. It is so confusing that my head hurts.


I want control of the fact that God can control my life instead of my surroundings controlling it.


Right now, my life is controlled by my wife's school, my mortgage, and my children. It is not controlled by God or me. Hmmm...there could be Gold in 'dem 'der hills. By reducing our dependence on worldly goods, we free ourselves so that God can control us. How much are we tied down and are therefore unable to follow God's path? When he tells us to let our mother bury herself and follow him, can we do it? There are some hard choices to be made, but I feel a little better knowing that maybe I don't have control issues after all; maybe God has control issues and I am trying to help him out.

The Unix Haters Handbook

Something you'd expect to see from Microsoft? Well, you'd be right - sort of. It was actually written before the author started to work for Microsoft, but with a name like that it's got to get you in the door. I haven't read it yet, but you can bet I will. You can find the link to the pdf here.
There's also some interesting commentary here.

Lust vs Greed

There are some interesting posts on Root Cause Analysis over at Ventilation. Amy basically breaks down our root issues into three core issues: Pride, Lust, and Greed. I've had a hard time with this because of the similarities between Lust and Greed. Both seem to be the illogical want of a material object. We all know that one can "lust" after a car, and having too many cars makes you greedy, but what is the true difference? How can you tell if your root sin is lust or greed? I can understand Pride's difference. A prideful person wants someone else to lust after them, the desired change is in someone else. With lust and greed, the desired change is a transfer of ownership (it could be a person or a thing). We could make an arbitrary distinction and say that lust is toward people and greed is toward objects, but God typically isn't arbitrary. Instead, I thought I would ponder this subject in my usual thinking spot: the shower.

What I realized is that a sin could be traced back to any one of the three root issues. A murder could occur due to pride, greed, or lust. Saying that lust was reserved for people and greed was reserved for objects was too arbitrary, just like I had intuited. Instead, you have to examine the perversion behind the sin. Greed is a perversion of Hope; Lust is a perversion of Love. I'm not entirely sure I understand either, but I have blogged before on Love, so I'll let those blogs stand. Hope, however, is a different story. At one time, I thought Hope was only about the knowledge that there was an after-life and that what we had in this world doesn't matter. That makes a nice antithesis for greed and I put it aside. But, recently I learned that there was more to Hope. Hope was also the belief in a Plan (not predestination - plans can go astray) and Hope is our believe that something better exists for our lives now if we wait for it. Hope is both pre and post mortem.

Armed with our knowledge and definitions of the root goodnesses, we can attack the root issues. Greed wants something due to a perversion of hope. Therefore, a greedy person is in a state of despair and disappointment. They want objects or people because they feel that nothing better is coming. They are buying the car because they think all the other car dealers are closed. This person must be slowly convinced of God's power and his Plan and then they can be set on the right path.

Lust wants something due to a perversion of Love. A lustful person doesn't take the time to understand when something is impulse vs acquired. They have three cars because they want three cars. They are not a car afficianado, they don't care if something better is out there, they just want the car. Oddly enough, this is what we typically think of when we think of Greed. However, it is exactly because they haven't stopped to think about Love and what it means to them that they are in this Lustful predicament. For the traditional definition, if a lustful person sees an attractive person, they want to sleep with that person - not because they love them, simply because "they are there." Contrast that to someone with low self-esteem who sleeps around because they need to feel loved, that is a case of Greed.

Once again, the important thing is that to understand the root issue, you must understand its perversion. A sin can belong to any of the issues; it is up to us to understand why the sin is occurring and then change our behaviours accordingly.

Good luck!

Software Craftmanship

I just finished reading software craftmanship by Pete McBreen, and I have to say I wasn't impressed. I should have been warned by the average ratings on Amazon, but I thought I'd try it anyway. Most of the book is spent arguing against Software Engineering; however, he doesn't cover the logic behind his rant nearly as well as other books such as Peopleware or Rapid Development. The other part of the book was supposed to cover software craftmanship; however, it was severely lacking. Instead of giving concrete examples and real life experiences (since craftmanship is about humanity, you would expect these things) he instead stays in the realm of theoretical possibilities. Even these he doesn't explain fully only saying that they will help. For instance, he would cite that craftsmen perform unit tests. Yes, unit tests are best practice, but what does that have to do with software engineering? My company has a software engineering approach and many of us write unit tests, so what? I don't believe software craftmanship stands in opposition to Software Engineering, XP, Agile, Scrum, or anything else. Instead, it is a mantra by which old programmers teach new programmers the best way to go about things. It is a way to be proud of your work and continue it for a lifetime. Pete's book does not capture the essence of SC, instead it is more of an apologetic for its use. I, honestly, do not recommend it.

My July 4th Memory

As we near July 4th (that's Independence Day here in the U.S.), I always think about my father. More than any other day, July 4th was special to him. It was always the first, and typically the only, day of the year when he would swim. He would come out in his swim trunks in the afternoon and hop in. Often he would just swim from one side to the other and then get out. If someone was swimming with him, he would stay a little longer. I have no clue why he picked this day. Maybe it was historically significant to him? Maybe it was that he was a farmer and it was hard to find time off? I never thought to ask; I'm sure he would have had a smart answer. I guess I'll have to swim tomorrow in commemerance of him - though I've already broken the tradition by swimming early this year. Oh well, there's always the next.

Running

Oh, no. I have to start running again. I'd started running in June with Mary. Mary is a friend of mine, more like a sister. I've known her and her family for 10 years; they are all best friends to me. In June, Mary and I started running. Well, not really running, more like attempted running on my part. Mary ran track for a number of years, so she's in great shape. I've won the national lard butt championship 6 years running, so I'm not doing too good. My primary goal, when running, is to not have a heart attack. I think her primary goal is to laugh at me. Last time we ran I ended up with shin splints for weeks. We stopped running when Mary had to go to a number of camps as a councellor. I've been busy, so we never got back into it. Yesterday, we took my son over to thier house to let them visit with him on his birthday. Mary hit me up about starting to run again. Of course, I caved. So now I have to go get some new shoes and pray that they help the shin splints. Oh fun.

Birthday

Today was my son's birthday. We took him to a Japanese Hibachi steakhouse for lunch. He seemed to really enjoy the salad and the fire. Afterwards, we took him to random family members' houses to try and rack up gifts. His party will not be until next weekend so that more people could attend. We were afraid that the 4th of July weekend would find people elsewhere.

Unfortunately, he hasn't yet got his presents from us. He fell asleep while we were getting supper and will sleep through the night. Regardless, Happy Birthday, Son!

My Son's Birthday

Tomorrow is my son's birthday. He'll be 2 years old. I couldn't imagine living without him, he's my buddy. Unfortunately, one of the nursing students that goes to school with my wife lost her son. He was a month younger than my son. They had just gotten a pool (not a big one, just a small one from Wal-Mart). They thought everyone had come inside, but he was still outside. When the realized he wasn't inside, it was too late, he had already drown.

I thank God everyday that I have my son and he is here with me and healthy. I don't believe God caused that boy to die, but I do believe that he can help ease their pain. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your child. I can only pray that I never have to find out.

Apprenticeship

Wow, here is a lot of information on Software Apprenticeships. I'm growing more and more confident that a developer needs to go through an apprenticeship. This exposes them to a master programmer and gives them something towards which they can aspire.

The team

Last time, I talked about getting rid of the irreplaceable team members. In this edition, I want to talk about what makes a successful software development team. Naturally, it is the people. Software development is not engineering; it is invention. A successful software team will have much more in common with a team of genetic engineers than a team of hardware engineers. You might hire a mediocre line worker, but would you hire a mediocre genetic scientist? One who had few publications? As a software company, your success, like that of the bioengineering startup, depends on the calibur of your people. To be successful, you have to have two things: 1) Top quality individuals 2) A great training program. Without both of these you are confined to mediocrity - at best.

BTW, take a look at software craftmanship. It has some real benefits and completely debunks the myth of software engineering. The main question I have is what about larger systems, can this scale?

Irreplacable

In my opinion, people who are irreplaceable should be the first to go. There are many different types of team players. Some people are the workers, the go getters who do anything and everything to make the team successful. Others are the mediators, some are planners, some are thinkers, and some just provide "glue". But the most dangerous of all is the irreplaceable member. You know the type, the only one that knows every system; the one who sits like a mystic in the corner, looking down on you with infinite wisdom. This person feeds on others' admiration; they want to be irreplaceable, to be told how great they are. This person will destroy your team and your organization.

If someone wants to be irreplaceable, they can be. Others usually give work to someone who requests it all; people, by their nature, are lazy. Eventually, the only person who knows anything and can get anything done is the irreplaceable one. When that person leaves, the shock is devastating. You can fool yourself into thinking they'll never leave, but one day it will happen. One day, "He who is Irreplaceable" will walk away and leave your team stranded and helpless.

Instead, the irreplaceable one's energies should be spend on education and teaching. The irreplaceable one must become a mentor, not a savior. Even at the expense of the project, the mentor should focus on his or her part and teaching others how to do thier jobs to the best of their abilities.

If you have someone that is irreplaceable talk to them about the problem. Let them know that they are pulling everyone else and are therefore hindering other's development. If changes don't occur, let them go. It will be better for your team in the long run.

Gardening

Weekend before last, I went out to plant a pumpkin patch in my backyard. Oddly enough it taught me more about the nature of God than it did on gardening. Why? Because my 1 and 4 year old came out to help me.

Actually, I asked them to come help me. I love my kids and I want them to have fun and learn. What better way to learn and have fun than by planting pumpkin seeds? However, I also knew that my odds of having a successful pumpkin patch are greatly diminished by allowing the kids to help. I didn't know the details, but I knew that before I was done each of the kids would both help plant and help destroy in their own special way. Naturally, I could have stopped them. For one, I could have made them stay inside with their mother. Two, I could have forced them to only watch. Three, I could have let them only help in very small ways. I chose option four, give them the seeds and help them as much as they would allow. I want my kids to be independent. I don't want them to sit on the sidelines and watch. I want them to feel confident in their abilities and also know that it is fine to make a mistake. The only way to gain that, in my opinion, is to let them be independant and praise them for thier efforts.

I think, in many ways, God is like this. He's constantly trying to plant his garden; we, as his children, create havoc. He knows that we'll create havoc; and his greater intelligence will allow him to know details that we could never guess. However, he lets us do it so that we'll be independent and sure of ourselves. Why does God let bad things happen? For the same reason that some of my pumpkins can't be saved; because that is what must happen. I'm not sure one can put it in words; it's a philosophy, a feeling, and an experience.

Secondly, I think my knowledge of the kids going to destroy the garden is similar to God's knowledge of upcoming events. Even with my limited knowledge, I knew that the kids would dig up seeds. I can also predict the future: my daughter will be happy on her birthday, my son will get into trouble on his. My brother-in-law will yell at his daughter or son at my daughter's party for something that (s)he is doing wrong. I'm fairly confident that all of these will come to pass, and I have limited intelligence. God, with his far greater intelligence, can predict a much greater level of detail. However, I don't believe our paths are "pre-determined". I don't think God knows everything we are going to do. He may have been honestly surprised when Cain killed Able. I didn't know how my son would destroy the garden, and honestly he could have surprised me and not dug up the seeds with his toy shovel. We could have even surprised God by not engulfing ourselves in sin such that he had to destroy humanity with the flood. But we didn't. He is wise and greater than us in everyway, but I think we've tried to deify him above even what he ever wanted.

I think sometimes we view God as a floating entity that knows all, is everywhere, and can do anything. His only emotion is love and he shares that with everyone, both sinners and saints. I feel this view is fundamentally flawed. We are made in God's image. I think God is more like the Greek gods than our sanitized version. We know from the Bible that God feels jealousy and anger. God takes revenge. God is not merciful, God is just. Those of you who expect God to be a loving, happy-go-nothing entity need to wake up and smell the Frankensense. Our view of God is twisted by our 21st Century "morals" and the teachings of Jesus who was the Son of God (not God himself).

Well, this post is getting long and I want to wrap it up before I lose all the readers. I'll post more about this in future blogs. However, as you do your day to day activities, think how it reflects what God would do with a much larger problem. I think you'll find that you are made in his image more than you realize.

Holiday World

My family and my brother-in-law's family leave tomorrow for Holiday World. Typically, we opt for Disney World, but this year we thought we'd try a closer, and cheaper option. Holiday world looks like it has a ton of rides for smaller children. That will be great for my two year old. In addition, they also have a water park.

I'm both looking forward to the vacation and dreading it. I love getting away from work. Since I work from the house, there is not the distinction between work-life and home-life as someone who works from an office. However, I'm dreading it because we'll be camping there with my brother-in-law's family.

If you'd ever seen two families spend 7 hours driving in a Dodge SUV followed by two days in a small camper followed by another 7 hours driving back you would understand my dread. I'm sure we won't talk for at least a week after we get back. Of course, that doesn't really bother me because I prefer to be alone anyway.

One thing that I am looking forward to is free soft drinks. Yeah, you read that right, free soft drinks. In Disney World you'll pay $2.00 a bottle for soft drinks, but Holiday World gives them away for free. Wow, that's gonna be nice.

Well, I'll write again on Tuesday when I get back and let you know how the trip went. Until then, take care!

Frustration

First, an aside. As I look at my blog, I have Google Ads for Save the Marriage and Find Singles in Your Area...kinda ironic to me. Anyway...

I have a policy of not posting about things that go on where I work. I will stretch, but not break, that policy in this post.

Today, I feel the beginnings of frustration. Not at my company, or anyone within it; instead I feel frustration about what I am doing. I feel my current role in the company is as a firefighter, perhaps a stop gap. I am someone they bring in to fix problems quickly. Spend a day on this, spend a week here, get this to run, now help out here, etc... While that can be fun for a short period of time, I much prefer the longer term project that I can work on from the beginning. I think the reason is because I prefer the design phase of the project. With my current projects, I have been brought in to either work on code that has already been designed or create code that doesn't need designing because it is just proof of concept.

Don't get me wrong, that type of coding has its advantages. One is that there are large periods where you are waiting on jobs to run, etc... So, I get some time to work on educational materials, read periodicals, or just think. I definitely enjoy that freedom, but I miss the architecture. I miss starting from an empty pallete and creating what I hope is a masterpiece. Note that I don't miss the release phase, that's a royal pain in the rear :-)

I'm beginning to feel I'm in the wrong place. I love my team, my bosses are great, but I fear the time to move on is near. The questions are mounting: how do I find a project that hasn't already begun? How do I get involved with it? Should I stay where I am and hope for the best? What will be best for my career? Do I even have a career? I have serious problems with that last one. I try my hardest to rock the boat in a positive manner. I feel, from talking to people, that is a serious faux pas for career movement. However, I don't want to change too much. I feel that I try to make a positive impact and sometimes being loud is the only way to accomplish that. Over time I'll probably learn more tactful methods, then perhaps I should start over at a new company and work my way up. Hmm...methinks I am rambling...

Back on subject, I'm not sure how long I can bear frustration; the bad part is I get frustrated quite easily :-) I'm pretty sure I can hold out for a year. My wife is done with nursing school then. That gives us the perfect opportunity to make a change. The important thing to do now is prepare for that change. What do I want to do next? What can I do to better ready myself for that? There are many questions and few answers...right now I'd love to just have a new project to call my own - no code attached :-)

The Love Pyramid

In my previous post, I pontificated over the definition of love. In this post, I'd like to build a love pyramid. At the top of the pyramid are those for whom you have the least amount of "Love". At the bottom of the pyramid are those for whom you have the most love.

1. Strangers - When we donate to charities, we are showing love for strangers. God commands us to love even our enemies. However, if asked to loan a stranger $100, most of us would say no.
2. Aquaintances - Typically, we have more love for aquaintances than for strangers. This is why news channels work so hard to make a connection between the subjects of their stories and the average news watcher. It pushes the love meter up a notch :-)
3. Friends - Most people have many "friends". These are not close friends, but people who you would feel comfortable talking to at a party. You usually know whether or not they are married, their wives names, kids names, etc... Most people would be taken aback by a friend looking for money, but many would loan it to them anyway.
4. Flirtations - A flirtation is a member of the opposite (hopefully) sex that you think has attractive qualities. Typically, this person is more important to you than your casual friends.
5. Confidant - A close friend that you trust. At this level you are willing to donate time and money when the friend needs it.
6. Girl/Boy friend - Often closer than your confidants. Your girl/boy friend is one you are evaluating for a potential move down the pyramid. This relationship is the beginning of the path to true Love.
7. Infatuation - After a certain point, the girl/boy friend becomes an infatuation. The infatuation demands a large amount of time and resources for both parties.
8. Parental - The parental relationship is often complicated, but is one of the strongest bonds, if it is made. The parent does not have to be biological or legal, but could be an older mentor.
9. Familial - A familial bond is the closest human relationship other than the soul mate. Typically, this is the first level where you would sacrifice yourself for the other. It is most often between a brother/sister (though not necessarily biological) or between a parent and thier child.
10. Soul mate - The soul mate relationship, when made, is stronger than even the familial relationship. At this point, you are living for the other person. This is not servatude towards the other, but a healthy interactive relationship where one is dedicated to helping the other.
11. Supernatural - The supernatural Love is between God and you. Like the soul mate, the supernatural relationship is one that must be of total dedication. Unlike the soul mate Love, the supernatural love must be one of unconditional surrender. Where "Do it if you love me" doesn't hold water in the soul mate relationship, it is paramount to the supernatural one.

Each of these stages of Love is dynamic. People may enter or leave any of these stages at any time (except Supernatural, it is static). Obviously, some levels may be unfilled - a person may not have yet found their soul mate, or they may not have any familial relationships.

Over time, we will delve deeper into each of these and find out signs and symptoms of each one.